Oh my god! Bentonite Clay!

http://www.aboutclay.com/info/Uses/skin_problems.htm

Tonight I had the absolute worst itching that I can remember. So intense that I was actually thinking about getting some wire wool and scrubbing the skin on my arms off..Bloody appalling. Instead I reached for a ready mixed batch of clay and plastered it all over. The itching stopped in minutes. So tonight I'll be going back to my old beauty regime to illiminate any chances of sleep-scratching which is lethal.

I've had a busy two three days. Went to pick up the shed but it wasn't ready to be picked up, still full to the brim with stuff. It's a lovely shed and bigger than I expected. Huge thankyou to Denise! Looks like I might be able to adapt it into a lovely work space. It'll need repair and I need to beg steal or borrow a couple of fit men or women, about 10ft by 9ft of paving stones to sit it on, two architectural chip boards measuring 8ft by 4ft some waterproofing and a brain or two because mine doesn't work. We agreed that it will be good to get this stuff in place before going back to take it apart. Any offers? I will make you some art and some good good food in return. Or there'll be a bottle of your choice in it for you..come on I know we can do this thing!

I had a mixed day today a visit to SoundHeart Music school to check out a room I may be able to use for free for a while so I continue working with my one client. There are three choices and they are pretty suitable. What a relief! Rosita at Soundheart is an absolute angel and willing to support me to keep seeing this one boy and then when I am well enough to begin building a practice from there I will start paying rent. I'm so pleased because it's a good piece of work I'm doing with this boy, we are really getting somewhere. Sothis is good news indeed.

Then on to the dentist to sound him out about tmy mercry poisoning. This was very upsetting because of course I had to recite to him what's happened to my body and my life since January. When I talk about it like this it upsets me because I still can't really believe it's happening to me. It's getting more and more difficult to hide the effects. I'm closer to not attempting to hide it from people, which is good and bad, but it's hard to let go of this idea I have of myself waking up one morning and everything is fine again, all the work has paid off and as with giving birth, I can hardly remember the pain of it...It brings up a lot for me whichever way I look at it.

The dentist does not have the equipment for safely removing amalgam fillings. He told me not to worry that I would only feel the ill effects for about 6 weeks afterwards. Hello! Please see the link that I shared on tuesday if you are in any doubt. He has however pledged that he will fully support me to approach the NHS about paying for removal and replacement. The tooth that is broken and pouring out mercury is going to go. I decided today. I have to say goodbye and thank you to it in the hope that removing it will make a difference to the healing process. I know that it will because all of my symptoms are of mercury poisoning. Next week I am having it extracted. Wouldn't it be fabulous if this was all I needed to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfTqHw0N7v4&list=RDcc3u9bVV6s4&index=20 Hah!

I then visited Roger Dyson Kinesiologist who has written me a letter of support imploring the NHS to help me. I'm just exhausted now and I can't get warm even though my skin is burning like a little furnace.

Old Tommy Cooper joke:
‘So I went to the dentist.
He said 'Say Aaah.'
I said 'Why?'
He said 'My dog's died.'

Today's music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nNGlaiVypU&index=18&list=RDcc3u9bVV6s4
..I love this..dear dead days.. Over and out now..



I WOULD LIKE TO SUE THE NHS!

Round and around in circles....

Today's song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjPhzgxe3L0.

Bless him, what a poseur. I hear he has cancer now, well that's no surprise to me. I hope he put's that angry belligerent attitude he still has towards healing himself, poor blighter.

I do not want this blog to be miserable, I do not.. I do not want to feel miserable.However there are some days like today when there's just no pretending. I feel miz. Things have taken a turn for the worst over the past month and there's been no let up. I'm on very little sleep and my body is complaining in a most assertive manner. I'm also bored, so bored with this condition; all the hard work. I want to be working creatively but I have no where to work from and just one client at the moment. The offers of a space to work from while I build up my private practice have fallen through and I'm trying not to panic because it appears that yet more of my previous life must fall by the wayside. There's a powerful sense of loss around for me today. Oh me oh my!

I did make it to Daren Callow's wonderful, hilarious at times and very moving show at the Kitchen Window Gallery on Sunday: http://thekitchenwindowgallery.blogspot.co.uk/. Really worth a look.

I also had to get to other appointments yesterday, so I guess this is the fall-out. I went back to see the Kinesiologist Roger Dyson. He did some extensive testing and we discovered that most of the supplements that I am taking are not particularly helpful to my body at the moment and one of them is actually too much for my liver to deal with and is actually causing me more harm than good. This is because my liver is still very toxic and working very hard to clear out any nastiness in my body. This is what I meant when I spoke previously about the risks of experimentation and there really is no other way than trial and error sometimes. My understanding from Roger is that this is not to say that the supplements will not be useful in the future, just that I need to approach things even more gradually and gently than I have been so far because my liver just can't cope with any extra processing right now. It's really damaged. Roger has also confirmed my suspicion that there is a huge issue with mercury fillings releasing poison into my system. I had suspected this for some time having done some of my own research, because every flare-up seems to start around my mouth, ear and throat, in very close proximity with the fillings. So while the mercury in my fillings is not the cause of my ill health it is a significant factor in the healing picture. This is because the mercury is overriding my body's attempts to absorb essential vitamins and minerals.All this means that all my hard work is being scuppered before it has a chance to work. Please check out the footage of amalgam filled teeth leaking mercury, it's terrifying. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnQ-T7oiA Who's bizarre idea was it to put the most poisonous substance known to man in our mouths?? It's all about money of course.

Roger's advice is to have the fillings removed as a priority otherwise I will continue to go around and round in circles. This is exactly what I am feeling like. It's as if I'm in a treadmill. Everytime I get my body to a certain point everything just seems to ping right back to the beginning again and it's really taking it's toll on my skin and my mental health.

The good news is that a friend and I are going to be picking up that free 8ft by 8ft shed tomorrow. I have high hopes for that shed! Fingers crossed I can adapt it into a small work space AND EVERYTHING CROSSED we can actuallly take it apart and get it back here without me collapsing. I have an image of Dylan Thomas's boathouse in mind, fabulous! and staying with the welsh feel here's a joke to make you smile 'Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.'It's not unusual' he replied. Boom boom! See, I will not be defeated!!

I celebrate myself! And NO.I am not dying!

I can't find myself..I liked how I looked here, only last May..and I'm forced to re-evaluate all that I valued about myself. Not much when I think about how upsetting it is to loose my looks again and again. It may be temporary.I do hope so. But maybe not. Ten months feels more permanent than temporary, and I've aged. About ten years.

Yes I've had yet another big flare-up healing crisis thingy this month and it's dragging on, still manefesting and I'm left with pretty low levels of confidence in myself and what I'm doing. I want to go out on Sunday. The lovely Daniel Lehan's Kitchen Window Gallery has another intriguing event. Darren Callow.http://thekitchenwindowgallery.blogspot.co.uk/.23%2Bat%2B16.33.jpg" />

Hello Sunshine!

Lovely bit of Sunshine on my window sill! I'm already feeling the pain that comes with the dwindling of this luscious light and being able to position myself in the afternoon sunlight, bathing my my face fully in it as an aid to my meditations. I struggle with just being and it's so much easier when my friend the sun is shining.

It's been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything here. I had a delayed reaction to working on the Nunhead Open. By the way the open was a triumph and so good for me. It wasn't the work, I loved every minute of that. However whilst working, for practical reasons, I couldn't keep up my Gerson treatment at all and having to eat meals at all the wrong times coupled with the not so good but immediate and very tasty foods, (thank you Bajan Spice in Nunhead) put a strain on things. There was a price to pay.

Essentially the experience has made me appreciate yet another layer of myself that is sooo in denial and actually downright belligerent about the current state of affairs. My body is vulnerable and I mustn't deviate from the job. It's in the process of some deap healing and needs all the support and energy it can get because reserves are quite low. This is not forever but it is for the time being and healing won't be hurried or messed with anymore. So I was a bit naughty. This week I went to collect my arts therapy kit school. Closure on that one. It was an emotional experience and I needed to do something nice afterwards. A great friend of mine came with me and we decided to go and have a slap-up vietnamese meal with pudding, to cheer us up but also for old times sake. It was delicious; please go I recommend it highly, http://www.cafeeastpho.co.uk/.The week before this I had a wonderful English breakfast, with pudding and with another fabulous friend. I believe that both of these meals, especially the puddings put a huge strain on my system, so the latest flare-up is my body saying "ouch!". Cleansing and detoxing is well underway now and it's not pleasant or pretty..I've learned my lesson and I'm trying to settle into the idea that this is just how things are going to be for a while yet. So any non extortionate vegan style sugar free, wheatfree cafe or restaurant recommendations will be gratefully recieved.

Anyway for now I'm just proud that I've managed a blog entry and hope that momentum will return now that I've done it. I have to admit I've been down in the dumps and pretty demoralised with this latest flare-up. A dear friend sent me this radio programme recording by a journalist with 'skin issues'. It really moved me and I'm left with a sense of longing..If only I could see the beauty in these scars (of mine). Here's the link please listen if you'd like to get a sense of what it's like..http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/radio3/essay/essay_20141014-2245a.mp

Last-ish word..My dear sister Sarah came to visit me today. She allowed me to have a rant and a cry without trying to tidy me up or offer me solutions and she told me I'm beautiful and hugged me whole heartedly....Words can't adequately express how much this has helped to raise my spirits, thankyou thank you my lovely Sarah, you know I'm writing this blog because of you.

DONATIONS NEEDED URGENTLY!

Again as the month progresses the worry about how I will manage to get hold of the supplements and oils takes hold.I am about to run out of Essential Fatty Acid oil for my skin, Bluegreen Algae capsules for essential minerals and vitamins, L-Glutamine powder for gut healing and production of gastric juices , Liver capsules, Pancreatine for digestive enzymes to aid digestive process, and as always organic coffee and organic veg by the truck load (I'm two weeks behind). Paul Cole ( formally of Abel and Cole) of Capricorn Organics is brilliant by the way I recommend him very highly for top quality fruit, veg and much more, to your door.http://www.capricornorganics.co.uk/. Two fingers up to Abel and Cole! over and out for today..

Weirdly...

How interesting and helpful that the last entry, just before the action hotted up on the Nunhead Open http://thesurgery.turnpiece.net/gallery/3229 and my show at the Kitchen Window Gallery http://thekitchenwindowgallery.blogspot.co.uk/, I had posted a picture of my swollen face.. Just this Thursday gone people I came into contact with throughout the day were remarking on how well I looked. I thought that I did too. However I was not feeling good and I'd been getting very little sleep because about a week previously I started to itch very intensely particularly at night. I was feeling very puzzled because this very same day a new flare-up had come on so hard and fast, within a couple of hours, and seemingly without warning. Not so, I discover when re-visiting this blog. The proof is in the picture. I was already experiencing warning signs. I'd conveniently forgotten that I'd also had to cry off during the Nunhead Open hanging days; something I had hated doing. More warning signs. I didn't ignore them but I didn't listen hard enough.


I realise now that I've been having trouble taking this process as seriously as it requires me too. If I'm honest I've been dipping in and out of it according to my committments. I now know that there is a very real cost from taking any kind of work on, even just meeting a friend for lunch or tea means sacrificing part of my treatment. Now that I have honoured my work committments, and I am proud that I have, I am making a promise to myself. Now I must commit to the full Gerson treatment if I am to make a full recovery and this means spending a lot of time with myself and no deviations. The treatment takes up almost every minute of every day and I have to be extremely organised and strong willed. I find this idea scarey because although I like my own company there is a risk of my becoming isolated in the process. That said there is no going back now. No more "oh fuck it I'm going to down a whole packet of visa versa chocolates in one go nobody'll know" incidents at the cinema. Bloody yummy though! No more "what's a couple of missed juicing, coffee and meditation days?". No more messing, I'm getting back on the healing track Jack!

Thankyou thankyou thankyou, you know who you are, to those who have made it possible this month for me to continue with supplementation and skin soothing and hydration. I have been able to pay my grocery bill, buy a bottle of Ascorbyl Palmitate, for info on why:http://www.atoneonline.com/blog/2012/fat-soluble-versus-water-soluble-vitamin-c/, a bottle of Nutri Thyroid natural thyroid support, a bottle of L Glutamine:http://www.l-glutaminebenefits.com/glutamine-benefits-for-the-stomach/, a bottle of Pantothenic Acid https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/vitamins/vitamin-b5-or-pantothenic-acid, and four tubes of Hope's Relief Creme to help soothe and nourish itching and enflamed skin and two packets of organic coffee for enemas. Total value equalling £157. I still need four bottles of Essential fatty acid complex, a bottle of Blue Green Algae capsules and a bottle of Selenium capsules total value of £70 and there is an ongoing need for help with coffee and groceries. Any offers or contributions will be warmly recieved..Failing this, short visits, phone calls, blog comments or messages of encouragement always go down well and serve to keep the boat floating.

I wanted this entry to be a bit more entertaining and was coming to that, however itching has become unbearable and I'm going to have to go and either rip my arms to shreds or do tonight's mummy impression with clay and bandage. For now I'm glad we've re-connected and here's a nice song until next time...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdNCHomHlU