Back to Bentonite and down with nostalgia!

Remember this?

Trying not to remember this..

But today the reality is this...

It's working it's way up, not down which is frightening because I've been 'saving face' for some time now, don't ask me how, the body is a wonderful thing. My face has been as smooth as a babie's bottom, I want and need it to be, but if I'm honest the rest of my body has wanted the steroid cream and this was already not a good sign at all..

Since I came out of hospital in November I've been using steroid cream diluted with shea butter and coconut oil. I wasn't particularly happy about this because it is very toxic and really puts my liver under a lot of strain when it is already working overtime. The body cannot process petro chemicals, funnily it doesn't like them at all. I wonder why?

Anyway at that time my skin was so relentlessly itchy that I was feeling very depressed and agitated all the time. The steroid cream gave me some respite and this is all. What's happened now, inevitably, is that I have gradually become desensitised to the cream. Meaning that the next decision for me would be to either use more of it or go through the withdrawal and out the other side back to independently healthy skin and a resting and grateful liver.This may mean more quasimodo moments I don't know. Today what I do know is that I'm feeling scared and a bit demoralised because I'm very itchy and uncomfortable again. I feel scattered, my lymph system and my circulation feel sluggish, my hands and feet have been going blue again, I can't concentrate on the silliest things and I'm unreasonably tired and a bit yellow.

It's going to sound crazy but simultaneously I am taking huge emotional leaps forwards and I feel so much more able to understand the origins of my dis-ease. Sometimes, a lot actually, the process of healing the body is a beautiful series of swirly circular movements. I have learned that in the qi-gong tradition most of the body movements that are designed to harvest and balance life energy contain some form of figure of eight. This felt so completely right to me, and within these movements we inevitably re-visit aspects of the journeys in space that we take. It's necessary. More on this and on 'saving my face' when I'm feeling less fragmented..

Today's song, cheesy I know but it's how I feel today..I remember dancing to this when I was 13..Oh those dear dead days beyond recall...

https://youtu.be/ZBR2G-iI3-I