Proud of myself..

I'm really very proud of myself today because yesterday and this morning I felt close to emotional and phsyical paralysis and I managed to drag myself back up the rocky slope to a more even ground. As I said I am now experiencing the symptoms of thyroid and adrenal fatigue and may need to consider going back onto a low dose of thyroid replacement hormone once I have primed my adrenal gland for a week or so. The symptoms are of very low energy, bloating and swelling around the face, neck, stomach, wrists and ankles, extremely dry skin and hair, hair loss and emotionally feeling very angry, low and defeated. But I had arranged to meet with a ten year old client of mine so as to have a proper ending with him. This is because the head teacher at the special school I was working as arts counsellor at chose to axe my post without warning, leaving no opportunity to give these very wounded children good endings. I have five more to think about and it's so vital because these children really don't trust anyone and they have built a trust with me over three years, some of them, not an easy thing by any means. My concern is that their already powerful script in life is that 'there is no point trusting anyone because people always abandon you in the end', would be further cemented by this terribly brutal cutting off of the safe space they've had in the sessions with me. So short-sighted of the HT.
So I managed to get down to Catford to meet him and it was very up lifting and rewarding to have done this. This boy was my very first client at the school and we've had a good ending today now. Not just for him but for me too. I'm glad I did that one. Then I came home and did some moving and shifting of possessions from one room to the other and a meditation on self healing that I find very helpful. I also managed to bake some yeast free spelt bread and paint the loo floor. Not bad eh?!.
I'm now sitting on the floor in the living room amongst all my clothes and bits thinking what a bloody clepto I am and how I might chuck some stuff out tomorrow. I'm imagining sleeping in here for the next few months..all the while there's this continuous buzzzing going on in my head which threatens to drive me to distraction if it doesn't stop soon. Everything can change in a day.

heartsleeve
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