Heart sleeve: Hello Strangers!

Heart sleeve: Hello Strangers!: Bloody hell it's been nearly two months since my last entry and I'd got myself into a bit of a pickle about continuing this blog. I...

Hello Strangers!

Bloody hell it's been nearly two months since my last entry and I'd got myself into a bit of a pickle about continuing this blog. I want to tell the hospital stay story but I also don't really want to re-visit it. It was so bizarre and scarey. Just to get myself back into the swing, I have taken a massive breath in and plunged back into these pages. This is enough for now.

Today has not started too well. I feel angry and upset. There have been massive improvements, there really have and my hard hard work paying off. However I'm not going to pretend that I don't still have bad days. I still need support and doing this blog had felt supportive. Today I'm tired of battling with my skin's condition, I'm sick of not being able to just get up in the morning and go, without adverse consequences. I'm angry that I can't say 'fuck it", (well I can, and I did on Saturday) and go and scoff steak and kidney pie, chips and peas with my mates in a cafe in Deptford without my body going "Yeurk!!" It sucks!

Today I must do my tax returns, I have an extension from the government on account of my lack of talent with numbers, and today is the last day....probably a lot to do with why I feel like shit. The preverbial 'straw that broke..'thingey.

So I've done an entry of sorts now and just so (I'm) we're clear, I'm still trying to heal myself at home with non- alopathic medicine, yoga, re-bounding, juicing, diet and meditation and the all famous 'backwards' coffees. My circulation is shot, still get blue hands and feet, there's a permanent buzzing in my head, my skin is hanging off, my Lymph system still needs a jump start twice a day and my body is still not absorbing essential nutrients properly. It's truffing hard work, expensive and some days I feel like I'm going insane. But I'm back. I'm back doing the blog, feels good. Keep on keeping on Caroline hah hah!

Todays song, sing along and don't forget to 'head dance'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgLq6d_w4e4

Tatty Bye! slán go fóill!

Ooops it's been three weeks since I last said hello. Sorry about this, and today is just a quickei too. I've been busy doing nothing. The paradox is that my body has been very very busy re-orientating itself. Lots of scarey stuff attached to being in the hospital wheels and cogs and I will talk about this in more detail later. It's been a ride, and again (again again) up to me and how I chose to recieve and percieve things if I am to reach the place or outcome that I am journeying towards.. Potent stuff indeed!

Surfice it to say, I am feeling so much better, the ocean liner is slowly but gradually beginning to turn itself around. I feel as if my life-force is returning. I feel creative and uplifted and inspired...even dare I say it excited. Things are looking up, and as I prepare for my trip to Ireland all I can think of is how marvelous (lovely under used word) it will be to be with my sisters, their spouses, their children, the dogs and cats, the house, the mountains, the fresh air and good food, the conversation and most of all the sheer otherness of it all. I'm getting out of this place for a while yee hah! I will miss Dylan because for the first time ever I won't see him on christmas day,he's off to France with his dad and family. We will make up for this back in London when we return from our respective trips, two christmases, so this feels OK.

Here're my offerings for today, one a poem by a great inspirational man John Welwood, who is teaching me alot about how to live..It's about a minute please take the time you won't regret it. The other a bit of nostalgic punk.

Happy Christmas and a healthy and joy-filled 2015 to all of you who bother to follow this strange blog. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your precious love and support!!!

LOVELOVELOVE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsB3174iJC4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKDEvbABquo

Waiting waiting game..

I thought it might not be so simple getting out of here. Now I have to be 'officially discharged' so I'm waiting for the consultant and his entourage. I've been woken up at 6a.m having not actually gone to sleep until 3.45 ish. They wake you up and ask you if you are alright; it's uncanny how it's always just as you are at that dribbly dropping-off stage. It doesn't matter what time, day or night. Utterly bizarre and very annoying. I've done gentle Yoga and some lovely Chakra energising meditations and I've watched last night's episode of "The Fall" which in my opinion is becoming a bit unfeasable and I've packed my stuff up.

So now I'm waiting to go home..and I certainly won't miss this old view.

I've just been told 'we have no idea when you can go. It will be once the doctor does his rounds but we can't tell you what time that will be.' This is most helpful. Good job I ordered another sumptuous and deliciously nourishing lunch. Another thing I will really miss, the food..

I'm so

tired and very bored.. so it's another boring entry today, sorry about that.

.

Today's song to myself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkBUx6Zn6mo

I came, I saw, I conquered !

A bit fresher, getting stronger and stronger, home tomorrow, done with Pnemonia, pah!

playing...

Had a little play yesterday...

Reached the edge, didn't fall in..

I'm getting stronger every day so thought I'd give this a try.

Last monday I was admitted to the CCU unit at Lewisham Hospital with Pnemonia. I'd got into my bed on friday and had just not been able to get out of it. This was following the stimulation of my Thymus gland and the mercury filled tooth extraction both on the Thursday. It had all seemed relatively easy on the day, I even got my hair cut which I have no memory of actually doing, then that night I came down heavily with a relentless cough that just went from bad to worse. I really know the true meaning of the phrase "coughed my guts up" now. By Monday I was in no fit state for anything and I called my sister Sarah for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance.

How could things get so bad?..do you know I think I'll have to explain that later, I'm just too tired today, but suffice it to say I was in a very vulnerable state and therefore very prone to infection.
So I've been fighting it hard since then and I've also had to have my wits about me in here because there are alot of unecessary invasive and potentially further damaging 'procedures' that the doctors will try to pressure you into in order to cover their own backs. My older sister Rebecca has been invaluable and so I believe has Courtney White? Thank you so much you two! I'm not exaggerating. For example one night I was told I was going down for "Chemotherapy"! It transpired that it was a case of mistaken identity, I haven't got Cancer, and if I hadn't categorically refused to move, literally clutching onto my blankets for dear life, who knows what would have happened. This wasn't just the once, there's a catalogue.

So now the sun is shining right on me ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! it feels so good. Look at this! I'm going to have to go and soak up some vitamin D now. I will be more detailed in my account of this horrible nightmare soon. I have learned so much more and there are some major life decisions waiting outside for me not too far off, in the wings..Time to unstick myself and breathe in life!