Never say never! Should've remembered....

This is what my skin feels like again this week. It's got me by the throat. My previous post "Never going back there" was a red flag to a bull. My body has responded "oh yer that's what you think!" Since mid last week I've felt it coming. There have been all the subtle signs that I now know so well. I've also been weening myself off the steroid cream, replacing it with a new spray by a company called Salcura. https://www.salcuraskincare.com/
The spray is almost all natural so of course much better than repressing what I'm expressing.

So for now I'm back to really staying with and accepting the feelings that come with this state of being. Having a really good look around, because as with the skin that I shed there are more layers and the irritated, itchy scratchyness, the heat and the discomfort, are all my cues to go in further and stay a while. I made an image today. It really helped. I almost vomitted it onto the paper. I was very in touch with a sense that all this itching and scratching, rubbing , scrubbing , bandaging up and covering over, makes me feel held down. To think of it now, immediately I feel constricted. I'm doing this.

This is about an aspect of myself that I have disowned. I have somehow disowned a part of myself, a part of me that I was told was unacceptable, and I have continued with the script. It's not even rocket science when you get to this point is it? So the feelings that surface before, in and around my skin flare-ups are unacceptable to me. I've known this on an intellectual level for some time through all of the work I've been doing to heal . However I've never been here before with the intention to stay a while. 'Here' is where I take a very very deep breath in. And on the out breath I say to myself " bring it on girl! give me your best. Because I don't care how bad or ugly you think you can be, I'm here, I'm listening and I love you anyway! Also...sooner or later you're going to get bored because I'm not going anywhere and I'm not going to ever stop loving you. So there ner!"

And this is enough exposure for me today..