The Black Salve didn't work. The growth is bigger, harder and seemingly more rooted. Honestly? I'm feeling demoralised. The global picture on planet Caroline is ostensibly good, things are progressing, albeit at a snail's pace, every other day a little victory of sorts and at the same time I'm feeling low in resources. I'm feeling sluggish and fog-brained. I'm itchy and grumpy and tired, haven't slept for three nights now and I can't remember what it's like to not feel my skin.
Today the sun's shining so even though I love my ceramics class with a passion, I'm not going to go because over everything I'm doing, the sun is the best medicine I could take. I will play with clay at home and catch up with the kiln later. So I'm going to go out to the garden now and bounce amongst the birds, say hello to my body, ask it what needs, meditate on that for a while, see what comes up and then I'm going to come back to this blog and write about the difference. Sometimes it's so hard to remember.
This week I went to the dentist. I'd made the huge decision to have an anaesthetic because I needed a crown replacing. The dentist gave me two massive injections for I thought pulling out an old crown and replacing it and then without telling me he did a filling instead of replacing the crown. I couldn't tell what he was doing because I was so numb. When I asked him why he'd done this he said 'oh! I thought it would be better for you' (cheaper for you, you mean mr dentist) ' don't worry book yourself in again and I'll do the crown another day" But the thing is this means another injection! So far I've spent the last two days having a strong adverse reaction to the injections he gave me then. I've also been feeling absolutely livid about the whole thing which doesn't help at all. Got to let go of that. I felt deceived and there is definately a thread around for me. Not being told the whole truth, witholding information, being ripped off and lied to. There have been too many examples lately. I've walked away from a public commission because of corrupt behaviour within Southwark Council, I've lost a client because of a social worker and a school's unprofessional behaviour, I've been ripped off by a builder and taken the piss of by an estate agent and all in the space of a few weeks. It really upsets me. A lot. I am thinking about what it is that I seem to give off that might be permission to disrespect me..hmmmm that's going to be pleasant...
So for now,here is my latest lady.......
